That even if explicit cheating has occurred, many relationships can and do survive! I can't get the thought out of my mind that this wasn't ok and I've been a terrible person by not owning up to this mistake. What does accountability look like for someone in my shoes - what is the right thing to do. Genetics was found to account for around 40 per cent of the variance in OCD … Please help. Because I was consuming all of this human waste, I … I suffer from OCD symptoms and have been diagnosed with anxiety. Relationship OCD symptoms sometimes intensify when relationships undergo transitions. Re: Possible Real Event OCD and Crushing Guilt by throwaway5487 » Sat Dec 24, 2016 3:29 pm So, the way I should see this is that a normal response to this would be "wow, that's a really uncomfortable memory of a time where I did something gross and totally inappropriate. When I’ve made previous posts on other subreddits people have told me to forgive myself, that my behaviour wasn’t right but it’s okay to move on and be better in the future. A requested video from the comments section of an older vid about real event OCD. Relationships are not black and white, and you were certainly in a grey area with your situation. I’ve been suicidal over this and it’s really made me question a lot of things about myself. When these intrusive memories come up, you feel a gut-punching sensation of intense guilt. The justification that I 'got away with it' because we weren't in an official relationship just isn't holding up anymore. Hi . Cookies help us deliver our Services. Real event OCD regrets is it the same as intrusive thinking. For background, I (M, 27) have struggled with OCD in various forms for the past 10 years, from the more 'magical thinking', to the existential, harm/self-harm, pOCD, hOCD, you name it. I am obsessed with the fact that I might have cheated on my girlfriend, and I can't live with the guilt. Our relationship has been going brilliantly, and this hadn't bothered me. If you feel comfortable, talking to your therapist may help to shed some light on the Real Event OCD you are experiencing. Whenever I create a scenario in my head, it turns into a “memory” minutes, hours or days later. Am I using OCD as an excuse or do I deserve the guilt/shame that I'm feeling? Re: Real Event OCD & Guilt by throwaway5487 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:22 pm but did I molest my sibling somehow? Press J to jump to the feed. Step 2: Do not react to any of the Cheating OCD thoughts with fear. It’s horrendous! I still sometimes have false memories and panic attacks over whether I cheated in the early stages of my relationship, which sounds like what’s happening. TL;DR - memories that I drunkenly kissed someone else in the early stages of a then-as-yet unofficial relationship - now feeling extreme guilt and obsessions + compulsions to confess. I wanted to be invisible but I also wanted to talk to men (it’s pathetic, I know). Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. We eventually agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend in May 2019. Real Event OCD? Location: Midlands. But I feel like I need punishment and like I don’t deserve a second chance at being a good person. I realise this might sound like I'm searching for reassurance and I know that's counter productive, but I just felt like I needed to get my thoughts down on paper (so to speak) and try and work out how the hell I go forward. Cancel culture and all that is massively triggering and is "in vogue" at the moment so it's very toxic environment for ocd sufferers with this theme. I’m just very confused as to whether the level of guilt is created by real event ocd, reassurance seeking: what I’m doing right now and seeking out support from my counsellor and therapist, Rumination: thinking constantly about everything even minutely related to this, Obsession with confessing or the idea of confessing, Feeling guilty for not feeling guilty about this. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I was into her from the start and to me, it felt quite intimate and I never had eyes for anyone else. Check them out! Thankfully, he didn’t think I’d acted on any of these thoughts, or that I would, or that I was insane. I realise this might sound like I'm searching for reassurance and I know that's counter productive, but I just felt like I needed to get my thoughts down on paper (so to speak) and try and work out how the hell I go forward. I deeply regret that I’ve violated people like this - lying to them and deceiving them, especially because of the sexual nature of the chats. Is this my OCD blowing things out of proportion or have I really f**ked up and need to come clean? All I ever do anymore is sit around and think about the kind of person I have been. He did help me, but it was clear he didn’t know how to fully treat these kinds of thoughts. A 2011 meta-analysis looked at 14 separate studies involving identical and non-identical twins, designed to tease apart the relative contribution of genetic and environmental factors in someone developing OCD. I was almost blackout drunk, in a nightclub, and have this memory of a few seconds of kissing someone on the dancefloor. This post has been thanked 2 times. Hope this helped! I know that the right way to deal with real-event OCD is probably the same like for all the other forms of OCD, I just think it is very helpful to read articles like this one above and the fact that i can´t really find any other information beside this article makes me feel quite helpless. Forum User. Abbreviated backstory: Basically my Real event OCD came because of the guilt i acquired from two indiscretions in my relationship (i made out with two people who were not my partner). I’ll start therapy next month. The nudes I sent were my real ones. However, I unsure how to atone and make up for what I did. Everything was perfect, and I've never done anything that could remotely be considered since. I know I can’t change the past, but I want to be better in the future and not behave like this again. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I have a good group of supportive friends. I liked her, I would never want to hurt her, but I did this stupid thing. I just wanted someone else's thoughts on this. I also don’t know where to go from here? I can't remember what they looked like, or how it even happened, but this memory is seated into my brain. The chats were often sexual, but I never shared any photos or chats with anyone else. But he didn’t know what else to do, and ultimately my first round of therapy sputtered out. The idea that someone has been hurt by my actions is very troubling to me and I wish I could back and stop myself from behaving in this way. Cheating OCD often comes about after a night of drinking. And no I've never gotten past it. I hope you can spare a minute to have a read through this and any help would be much appreciated. OCD is often called the 'doubting disease' because deep down, the sufferer knows the thoughts are irrational. Me included. Hi Reddit. Still, this therapist was not an expert in OCD, particularly the more subtle kind I had. Sure I regretted doing it as I really didn't understand why I did it, it's not the sort of thing I intended or even wanted to do, but I wasn't technically in a relationship. Instead, react with indifference and allow the thoughts to just be there. It's like a constant circle of negativity and low self-esteem. Today i found out that Real event OCD is a thing! I can’t tell you how to deal with it in relation to talking your partner, but I would seek help if you haven’t already. Ways of thinking that helped me: realise that I had this image of my relationship needing to be “pure”. Happy to answer questions if this didn't make sense. Something that happened about 6 years ago which at the time I didn't think twice about. I am also a catfish. I feel sick. So in short, I'm really struggling with this, can anyone relate? My obsession right now is of a real event. I’m trying to stop watching porn and have been reconnecting with my Christian faith. I am going to focus on reducing the significance of this in my mind to help better manage the thoughts and compulsive rumination. Intrusive thoughts are always an OCD lie. And it's fine to regret it and feel guilt - but if it's this strong, it's OCD. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Basically, on and off for about 18 months I used a fake profile and face photos from the internet to talk to men on Grindr. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Is it just my OCD saying that I don't feel like I should be allowed to 'get away with it' as I need to be punished? Treatment for OCD. Thanks: 8. Distract. Forum User . 18 May 2016 - 18:58 . My Real-Event OCD is eating me alive. I can’t tell if the level of guilt I’m feeling is real event ocd or if this just what I deserve to be feeling. Forum User. I am in my early 20s, I am gay and was raised very Christian. But the guilt and realisation of what I was doing really hit in late October and has been severe since then. Even though I didn’t blackmail or share the nudes/chats anywhere, I feel disgusting and deeply regret that I’ve lied to people to even have those conversations in the first place. Real event OCD, petrified of being arrested So it's hardly something I'm proud of, but when I was a teenager I had something of a hentai phase and a few times I looked at loli/shota. Source: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/ On a side note, www.ocdspecialists.com is a great resource for learning about OCD! I am relieved but it doesnt help much, its just nice to be able to specifically know what i am suffering from. It is such a grey area (OCD latches on to these) and a topic that is so emotionally charged and guilt-ridden that it just dominates. The sufferer of this theme could start experiencing intrusive thoughts that they’ve cheated just hours after the event or days, weeks, months, years later. However, OCD treatment is difficult, and that is one of the main reasons some stay away from treatment. I never intended to cause harm or violate anyone - but I now know that’s exactly what I’ve done since the harm was in my lying and deceiving. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It tears me up inside and I can't let go of these thoughts at all. Previous relationship experiences, such as being cheated on in the past, may also be a trigger, but it's not the ultimate cause of ROCD. 17 May 2016 - 12:37. I was bullied in high school because of being gay. Real event is one of the most common ocd themes. I can't let go of my shame. Things got pretty serious in the months after this but she reaffirmed in March-ish 2019 that she still didn't want to be in an official relationship. The length of time between the event occurring and the start of the intrusive thoughts is no indicator that the thoughts are true. The next morning I remembered it and acknowledged it had happened but for some reason at the time, I didn't feel guilty. There are many people out there who have done things they regret a lot. Relationship OCD is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder that causes frequent and disruptive uncertainty and anxiety in relationships. Need others thoughts please . https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines. This post has been thanked 3 times. Log in to Reply. When its not Real Event OCD its the What If/Fill in the blanks OCD. US: 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741, Non-US: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines. The therapist is there to help you untangle and alleviate any worries you may have. Thanks: 28. One particular event from my past has come back to haunt me big time and I'm back in at the deep end. Is there any hope of real help for them? Press J to jump to the feed. I know it's difficult but you deserve and need it. New to forum and I had a unstable upbringing which has left me with some memories of things that happens to be and the silly things I regret doing as a young lad. It's OCD, 100%. Learn more about relationship OCD symptoms and treatment. What it has settled into is real event OCD, which was so distressing to me I sought help and was diagnosed in 2019, went through some therapy and managed to overcome and achieve what really did feel like recovery. i don't know if i can accept not thinking about it without feeling bad. I’m struggling with real event OCD, I have been diagnosed with OCD. Of course. Try to build some self-compassion. When I’ve made previous posts on other subreddits people have told me to forgive myself, that my behaviour wasn’t right but it’s okay to move on and be better in the future. Hey guys, I’m Kevin, I’m 23 years old and I’m suffering from OCD. The good news, however, is the treatment is the same no matter what type of OCD you have. OCD can also be triggered by a traumatic event, and there’s likely to be a genetic component, too. In general, I just don’t know if this ocd. A subreddit dedicated to discussion, articles, and images regarding OCD. I am completely in love with her and we have been in a relationship since May 2019. Usually several posts a day on here about it. My sexual past stems from my warped up views of lust and I would recommend anybody that excessively masturbates and can't control it to please stop. So I've been locked in a cycle of anxiety, googling for advice and reassurance for days now, the guilt is overwhelming me. Then, in October 2018 I was on holiday with some friends when 'the incident' happened. Join date: May 2016. 14 February 2018 - 14:36. Hope you enjoy! Or do I need to say something to her as it's the right thing to do? Real event / cheating OCD. Right now it feels like even attempting to be compassionate with myself is taking away from what I did. Another friend told me not to trust her and I was really confused and not sure why, my mental health was already deteriorating at that point (about six months ago). OCD reached a whole new level recently. There are so many variations of OCD: hit-and-run OCD, harm OCD, and real event OCD, to name a few. I'll be better some days than others and then it'll come back full force. If this is ocd I can talk to my therapist but if this isn’t ocd what do I do? There’s still wrong been caused by actions even if the people didn’t realise they were being catfished. And worst of all, I have been hiding it from her for two years. Please read below for more information and resources about about OCD and what this subreddit is! Hope this helps somehow x. I blocked everyone very quickly - often after a few hours, the longest was probably around a week. Hi, you absolutely deserve forgiveness. It’s something you’d rather not deal with, but you would be absolutely fine. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Join date: May 2016. or is that one of those things where I might never know and should move on? If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. I stopped using this fake profile and deleted all accounts/chats/photos in September. Roy21. Please read below for more information and resources about about OCD and what this subreddit is! I was friends with this girl who manipulated me, but at the time I didn’t know as I was new in a job. But that all changed two weeks ago. Thanks: 2. PAST REAL EVENT OCD. However we had our first date in June 2018, and spent the best part of a year in the kind of 'casual, not labeling this, taking it slow' kind of stage. Real event OCD can be insidious because along with anxious thoughts and feelings, it also presents with pervasive feelings of guilt and shame about something which you did in the past. Since I stopped using the fake profile I’ve been seeing a therapist (for CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, to help with my OCD/Anxiety and to help me act on my values not my fears) and a counsellor too. A subreddit dedicated to discussion, articles, and images regarding OCD. Thank you for this reply, some very helpful concepts here. A couple of weeks later i talked to my now girlfriend about 'where we were' and she stated that she just wanted to keep things casual, not put any labels on it, and 'keep the status quo'. Hi, The past 6 months I’ve had extreme cheating ocd, so I can totally relate to what you’re going through. spoiler nsfw. Join date: Jan 2018. For example, events that may be associated with an exacerbation of ROCD symptoms include committing to an exclusive dating relationship, having sex or being intimate, getting … I feel like the only way I can overcome this is by coming clean to her, but I can't bear the thought of hurting her (another of my OCD themes from the past) or ruining what we have. Hi Reddit. Do you have any tips on how to build self-compassion? :). Despite some minor set backs, I thought I was done. I've since learnt that possession of it is illegal in my country (UK) and my OCD has me convinced that I'm going to be arrested and listed as a sex offender and my life will be ruined. Your fearful reaction is what powers up these thoughts and makes OCD stronger. Actions do not affect your value as a person. I can’t tell if the level of guilt I’m feeling is real event ocd or if this just what I deserve to be feeling. xmesq. I’ve been suicidal over this and it’s really made me question a lot of things about myself. 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